Omelette
by Pia Yi
Summary: Yu returns to the quaint little town of Inaba, only to find himself dealing with issues such as the local wildlife, property damage, and a girlfriend as eccentric/socially inept as he is. Everyone's crazy. It's a mess. - Post game. Rated M for mature themes and the vocabulary of an 8 year-old who just learned what cursing is.


**A/N: Oh hey, I'm not dead.**

 **At any rate, I'm not sure how this trainwreck came to be. The thought just popped into my mind and I whipped up this… thing.**

 **I have no regrets.**

* * *

A crisp, refreshing breeze blew through Inaba in its evening hours. The neighborhood dogs barked, the children laughed as they crammed in some final minutes of playtime before retiring for the night, and the birds sang their songs.

By God, did the birds sing their songs.

Standing in the open doorway was Yu, chomping intently on an omelette. Though breakfast hours had long since passed, the omelette was not merely a means to fill his stomach. No, this was his challenge to the birds.

 _That's right,_ he thought to himself, _I'm eating eggs. You gonna do something about it?_

He didn't take his eyes off his avian opponents for even a single second. He kept watch cautiously as they danced about on the tree branch, eyes looking every which-way, chirping their little songs in defiance of him. Did they think he was scared? Please. He kicked the ass of whatever Shadow he'd faced in the TV world (Rise's didn't count, that was an off day.) Regardless, he wouldn't allow them to catch him off guard. Birds were crafty bastards, always looking for an opportunity to cast a damage buff and wipe the floor with you.

 _I'm on to you, you dirty little sons of-_

Yu's train of thought crashed violently as someone did the same through his front door. From the sound of it, their only cushion was the floor itself, meaning they probably didn't break anything. Besides the door, at least.

"Hey, Adachi, is that you? Don't tell me they let you out," the young man called out. If it was indeed Mr. B&W himself, he'd probably have to defend himself.

Yu briefly pondered as to where he left the golf club before a voice called out, "S-senpai!"

He immediately recognized the feminine voice masked with a pseudo-deepness, "Oh, Naoto. You know, that door was probably pretty expensive," he said as he looked at the shattered remains that lay in the entryway. Rest in pieces indeed.

The girl paid no attention to her property damage, instead taking the opportunity to tackle her partner to the ground and held him in a tight embrace, "I just got word that you were back, why didn't you tell me?"

"Well, I kinda _just_ got back," he replied. He looked curiously down to the girl buried into his chest, face flushed with a bright red color.

Without any warning, the girl picked herself up from him and re-gathered her composure. Indeed, he noted it to be quite out of character for her to fly off the handle like that. She wiped any trace of improper emotion from her face as she cleared her throat gruffly, masculinely, even, "I missed you, you know."

"I was gone for like, a month and a half," he responded dismissively. Indeed, his return home was cut short by his parents' announcement that they were once again headed overseas on business, potentially even longer this time around. Not that this was unknown to them, they just neglected to inform him.

Whoopsie.

He wouldn't even have minded terribly either, he just wished he had known so he didn't have to bother with packing up all his stuff and disposing of any contraband so little Nanako wouldn't be asking daddy why the people in the books were wrestling anytime soon.

The crimson hue returned to Naoto's face as she fought to keep from stuttering, "Well... We were never able to organize any sort of gathering. You always seemed to text and respond to texts so little."

A bald-faced lie, he thought, "What are you talking about? I would always reply and-" he began as he pulled his phone out to check his messages, only to be confronted with half of them being marked as 'undelivered.'

Yu made a mental note to destroy his phone at the nearest convenience.

Naoto studied the evidence presented to the jury, and, satisfied with his alibi, bowed her head lightly, "Forgive me senpai. I apologize for-"

"Hey now, what are you apologizing for?" he interrupted her, not having any of her apologies, "I should have been more attentive and noticed something was up, right?"

The girl opened her mouth as though to say something, then simply nodded, the blush still stuck to her face.

Yu pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance over the situation and let out a heavy huff, "Tell you what, since I worried you and didn't see you at all, how about I get you a gift?"

As soon as the final word of that sentence left his lips, Naoto's head shot up with terminal velocity and her eyes widened to a nigh-cartoonish level," G-gift? That's right! That's why I came here in the first place! I wanted to give you a gift senpai!"

 _Oh?_

"You- I wanted… I- gift- me…"

The girl tumbled over her words as if she were a young child who didn't notice her shoes were on the wrong feet. And tied together. And soaked in butter.

"Give you gift… You and… I want…"

At this point, he wasn't sure whether he was incredibly excited for this mysterious gift, or in fear of his life at the potential horrors that awaited him.

"I want… You and me… S-s-s-s-"

"Come on Naoto, use your words."

"S-sex!"

"What."

At one point or another, Naoto's head briefly left her body, only to be replaced by a disturbingly human looking tomato which now called her shoulders home, for that was the only way to explain the deepness of the red that adorned her face."

"Y-you heard me senpai. I-I wish to engage in… Sexual congress with you!"

"Okay, first off: never stop talking like that, it is a huge turn-on for me. Secondly, just to reiterate: what."

The human shaped beet that he called his girlfriend stood stammering before him, although it was incredibly cute how she'd drop out of her public character when it was them alone, it gave him no answers on just how she came to suggest an idea so foreign to her.

"It's just that I… I was curious as to where we should progress next, and since Yosuke-senpai a- wait, where are you going?"

Yu was already headed in the direction of the warzone formerly known as the front door with a golf club gripped firmly in his hands and an expression of detached, nigh emotionless rage adorning his face, "I have to go murder Yosuke quick."

"Wait! It's not like that! Like I said, I got curious about… those things, and since I knew that Yosuke and Chie-senpai had reached that point, I-"

"Whoawhoawhoa. Yosuke and Chie, _that's_ a thing?"

"Oh, yes. I'm surprised you hadn't heard," she replied with a quizzical look.

"Well, maybe I'd be more up to speed on things if my GODDAMN PHONE WORKED."

A bitter silence hung heavily over the room, rendering the act of speaking a game of chicken between the two. Indeed, a good many seconds passed before one spoke, though to the two of them, it was easily mistaken for minutes.

It was Naoto who had broken their awkward stalemate. Gone were her rosy cheeks, as was her uncontrollable stuttering. When she spoke, it was with purpose and authority, as was befitting her, "I would like an answer, senpai."

 _Oh, right,_ he thought to himself, _leave it to me to completely forget someone asking to sleep with me._

A smirk found its way to the edge of his lips and with it, his voice lowered its way to a matured, sensual tone, "I'd be happy to."

* * *

Although the evening breeze pushed a cool air into the young man's room, he and his partner couldn't help but feel their skin roast them thoroughly. Clothes lay scattered on the floor, the only exceptions being both of their undergarments as well as Naoto's dress shirt and Yu's shorts.

Yu had been digging around his drawers for a good few minutes, with Naoto sitting silently on the edge of his bed, heart pounding against her chest, begging to be set free. The intense emotions brewing within her threatened to overflow, but she held herself together desperately. She was many things at that time: nervous, scared, perhaps even a bit lost, but, overcoming all that negativity was the overwhelming happiness she felt. At last, she thought to herself, they could be as one.

But a stray thought threatened to undo everything.

She looked over to her lover cautiously and struggled to speak. She had a question of dire importance, but was terrified of the possibility of receiving the 'wrong' answer.

"S-senpai," she quietly muttered.

"Mmm-hm?" he responded, not averting his attention from the task of searching his drawers.

"You know this is my first time, yes?"

"Of course."

"Well," she began before pausing briefly, "have you…"

He ceased his current preoccupation to turn around and look her in the eye. He gave her a comforting smile before answering, "No."

Immediately a great burden no longer bore down on her mind. Though perhaps it was somewhat selfish of her to consider it so important, she thought, it was nonetheless a relief to hear it from his lips.

"There you are!" he shouted bombastically as he held a small wrapped item above his head triumphantly, as though he discovered a great treasure.

Naoto looked at the small item, struggling to see what it was in the dimly lit-room. She squinted slightly to help her efforts, yet just what it was was still a mys-

A condom. It was a condom.

Curiosity flared up within her. He confirmed that this was indeed his first 'encounter,' and yet he had such an item in his possession. On top of that, he apparently only had an individual one, as opposed to a pack as one might expect. "Senpai, where did you obtain that?"

"Rise's dungeon."

The casual expression he said that with contrasted heavily with her own somewhat shocked one, "I… didn't need to hear that."

"You're the one who asked," he shrugged before gazing off momentarily, _Or was it Kanji's_ , he wondered.

Before either of them knew it, they had completely discarded the last of their clothing and now lay in bed, fully prepared for their first night _together_.

Naoto looked up to her beloved, her heart racing, "I trust you know what to do senpai?"

He chuckled lightly before lowering himself so their lips could meet, then pulled his head back up to gaze into her eyes longingly, "Of course."

 _I have no fucking idea what I'm doing._

* * *

The light breathing of his girlfriend in a deep slumber was perhaps the most precious sound he had ever heard in his life, so much so that the thought of breaking away from her sleeping embrace was unbearable, but alas…

That door _reeeeally_ needed to get fixed.

Sorrowfully freeing himself from his lover's embrace and taking great care not to disturb her when exiting the bed and room, Yu made his way downstairs. To his relief, it was still quite early into the evening, early enough, he recalled, that Yosuke would soon be getting done with his late shift at Junes.

Yu snatched his phone from its resting place on the dining table and made his way to his contact list, fully prepared to let it meet the wall at high speeds should it fail him even once more. He selected Yosuke's name and held the device to his ear.

One tone. Then two. Then the sound of his best friend answering.

"Hey, what's up?"

"I have a little grocery shopping that needs doing."

* * *

 _Squeak, squeak._

"Yeah, yeah, I get it already," the brown-haired youth muttered dejectedly to his worn bicycle as he approached the Dojima residence. Yosuke took in a deep breath of the night air as he dismounted his bike and secured the bag of tools that was slung over his shoulder while walking towards the building.

His friend's request for the tools had caught Yosuke off guard and, in true Yu fashion, had neglected to offer any explanation or context to his demands, leaving a very confused Yosuke to ponder the possibilities of why his friend would need the items. With the tools requested, one would think that somebody had busted down the front do-

Oh, God damn it.

The shattered remains of the front door lay strewn about the entrance to the Dojima household. The possibilities were limitless, but Yosuke was afraid he had let his best friend drag him into business that he'd be better off unconnected to.

There was a nagging feeling in the back of Yosuke's mind as he ventured further into the residence, the notion that he would regret letting his curiosity drag him further down the rabbit hole, however, the idea of backing out now and being left to wonder just what was going on kept him resolute.

Entering the primary room of the house, a most pungent scent caught Yosuke's nostrils by surprise. It was by no means a terrible smell, but it was the kind that, were one not expecting it, could be regarded as such. Before being able to focus his thoughts, Yosuke took notice of a laundry basket atop the dining table. An odd thing to notice, he thought, but he could have sworn he recognized that hat and dress shirt.

And then there _he_ was. The silver-haired youth that had only recently returned to this small town of Inaba. The guy who had invited Yosuke to what was now sketch-central. Yosuke's friend stood silently by the window, staring out with vicious intent.

At this point in time, Yosuke could ask many things. He could ask why the overwhelming scent of eggs assaulted his nose. He could ask why Naoto's clothes were in the laundry. He could ask why Yu was so pissed off at those birds outside.

But Yosuke didn't ask any of those things.

"Why aren't you wearing any pants?"

* * *

 **A/N: _Psst. Hey kid, you should totally, like, leave feedback so I can know what works and what doesn't._**

 ** _Oh, and uh, make sure you tell your friends, especially the non-Yu/Naoto ones._**

 ** _Okay, now scram._**


End file.
